Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Proceed at your own risk. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Whats an LMD? I asked. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. If you cant pick it up, paint it. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. 4. USMC: OHH! But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. I was the cook.. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Ocean Pearl, I answered. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. 1. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Then one day I couldnt find it. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Dont think so? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Thanks. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. But I had the last laugh. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Aviation JOKES. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. 10. An airplane! 2. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. You divertyour course! You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. The tenant shook her head. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Its not weak, he replied. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. A military captain saying I was just thinking Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They all originally set out to become Marines. Pilots 5. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. We were a tough group. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. 64. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? 5. Divert your course NOW! Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . ", 55. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. Aviation Humor. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Eternal Piece Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? A PETTY officer! As A.J. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. [Answered]. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. 4. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. He nodded. 12. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 3. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Read more. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor.